Not the MotoGP News: You’re never alone with a clone (The 2016 Moto2 Preview)
Welcome to NOT The MotoGP News – our blog by Guy Anderson. Oh – and when you’re done, make sure to go follow Guy on Twitter – @SirGuyGuisborne
Moto 2 is that ginger-haired step-child that these days no one talks about with any real affection. For sure when it was a mere toddler we all laughed and swooned at its initial attractiveness, but now the class has become a teenager and bloody hell who wants to be seen dead with a spotty oik like that?
There’s at least ten riders (look for the * below) who are so good they could easily find a seat in the British School of Baking (BSB), and then there’s the rest who are riding in a vain glorious attempt to make the big time – yep, they’re looking for sponsorship from a sunglass company.
Here’s our in-depth preview of the grid (when we say in-depth, what we mean is we cobbled together some words, and even most of them aren’t that funny this time. Its bloody Moto2! Who still watches this stuff?)
* Franco Morbidelli – the sultan of slide…. Oh sorry hang on the editor has just slipped a round into the chamber of his cliché-gun…. Great to watch and pretty good if you’re a team manager.
* Sam Lowes – tries harder than a dachshund with a hard-on trying to climb a stairs to shag a lady dog on heat. (if we say “bitch”, Kayne East will sue us for copyright infringement)
Marcel Schrotter – looks German, sounds German, is German. And that’s about it
Azlan Shah – the best character from the Lion, The Witch and the wardrobe trilogy. But getting on a bit now
Federico Fuligni – not a variety of mushroom no matter what you think.
* Takaaki Nakagami – twins. One is very good and does well, the other really just doesn’t. But great all the same.
* Isaac Vinales – better looking than his cousin so we are told by Neil Hodgson. The rookie of the year?
Efren Vazquez – made the jump to Moto2 just to make Kent look bad. Swine.
Alessandro Tonucci – having to ride a lump after a Moto3 scalpel, he is going to cry
Luis Salom – an illustration of how being good isn’t good enough.
* Alex Rins – probable title winner though he looks more like a painter from Tilbury docks
* Miguel Oliveira – boy-band looks and rides bloody fast without getting drunk on port!
Simone Corsi – nearly as tough as Cortese. You’ll miss riders like them when they’re gone.
Axel Pons – oh ffs…
* Danny Kent – he’s going to surprise us anyway
Mattia Pasini – made John Hopkin’s tantrum look rubbish. Maybe too old, but a proper racer.
Hafizh Syahrin – The future. For the companies who race anyway.
Edgar Pons – hey Axel – this is how you do it.
* Julian Simon – not the love child of Simon and Garfunkel.
Robin Mulhauser – a Toblerone is more famous than Robin
* Alex Marquez – Marc says Alex is the faster of the two. Yeah, right. Probably sleeps with a voodoo doll of Marc.
* Dominique Aegerter – more famous than a Toblerone
Ricard Cardus – a character from a John Grisham novel (fictitious)
Jonas Folger – we have no idea what to say about Jonas. And that says it all really
Xavi Vierge – not in our top 10, but second best name on the grid.
* Tom Luthi – smoother than a Toblerone.
Jesko Raffin – yet another Swiss interloper. Where do they come from? Sepp Blatter’s back pocket?
Sandro Cortese – German with a Spanish sounding name – no wonder no-one knows whether to like him or loathe him.
Luca Marini – nothing to do with the mafia at all. Nope.
Xavier Simeon – still going. Around in circles.
Ratthapark Wilairot – don’t do the joke about willies.
Moto2 does get a bit meh sometimes – same engines and now, just about the same frame. Is it cheap? Well yeah, so is night out in Swindon, but who wants to do that? Freak of racing that is Marc Marquez is the only rider to win at Moto2 then take the MotoGP title.
So like a ginger-haired step child that’s become a teenage pain the arse, we just all wish it would quietly go away unnoticed.
