Welcome to NOT The MotoGP News – our blog by Guy Anderson. Oh – and when you’re done, make sure to go follow Guy... NOT the MotoGP News: Viva Valencia

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Welcome to NOT The MotoGP News – our blog by Guy Anderson. Oh – and when you’re done, make sure to go follow Guy on Twitter – @SirGuyGuisborne

 

This year I’m off to sunny Spain…

This is the fax Gareth sent to us in the office as he hightailed it first class via a World Cruise to Valencia. Gareth is a man amongst men, a hero amongst heroes and what’s more our boss. He keeps us in beer and chips and loose women, so he can do just whatever he likes as far as we’re concerned. (You’re very kind, Ed.) Actually Gareth told us he went on a top secret mission to sign up Lorenzo and Rossi and Marquez (both) to his web-hosting fiefdom. He was confident he’d get the signatures just so long as no one leaked a word about the deals… (You’re fired, Ed.)

Anyway, procrastination is the mother of all inventions, or maybe that was Captain Beefheart. Valencia! Yes! If there is one thing the donkey chuckers of Spain can do, its host a MotoGP circus or two, and if you’re looking for small compact and nifty, Dani Pedrosa is your man, or rather Valencia is your circuit. It also helps Carmelo being the last race on the calendar and means Señior Ezpeleta can ride that pushbike home easily after the big party celebrating all the pesetas flowing into his bosses’ bank accounts. As BT Broadband users we’re overjoyed that the UK broadcaster gets to pay Carmelo soooo much. Never mind giving us faster connectivity.

So as the circuit is small, and the track is as tight as a camel’s arse in a sandstorm, you can usually rely on good race. To be fair, last season’s race was probably the most over-hyped affair this side on a Presidential election….. but let’s get on with the races yeah?

Moto3… If it was possible to hump an inanimate object this would be it, and we’d have our jeans around our ankles quicker than Axel Pons falling off in Moto2. Quite simply, what is not to love?

Canet started from pole, except he didn’t; he stalled and had to start from pit lane. Rodrigo and Bastardsurnamewecantspellyet went off horrendously on lap one and yet seemed to be ok (ish). They’re all mad this bunch but Mir looked like he had a gap he could defend. Fat chance. For once Binder messed up, and slipped from leading down to the high-teens. Meanwhile Ono had his own race to the back of the whole pack, and Migno did his best to confound everyone with his impersonation of MRNG (you really do have to be good to get that one). Maria Herrera replacement Fernandez made Maria look a bit …. Errrr…. Redundant to be honest.

With 17 laps to go Mir got snookered by having to drop back place for overtaking under a yellow. But niftily he only did give up one place. And all the time the South African just made everyone else look like novices.. There’s no doubt Binder has been the class act of Moto3 this year. We just hope he does well next season stepping up to Moto2. Oh, and Brad was the only rider in the 300s (319 in the end) and his nearest was only on 177 points (Enea Bastianini). With 8 laps to go, Brad was in a podium slot. Race direction were sure having fun on the last day of the season. Loi, as well as Mir earlier, the Kornfield all got told to drop a place. Ouch! Three to go and Brad made a mistake and slipped to fourth. But no matter; he took the best race of the season by 0.056. Phew, what an opener.

Moto2 can be the most dreary of dreary races. But today everyone was de-mob happy and up for a real proper race. Even Alex Rins turned up after day dreaming about racing for Herve next season. And Zarco’s footsmoke is just a great addition to the Doctor’s dangle. Beat that Vale. Zarco and Rins are buggering off to MotoGP next year, but we’ll still have Slash lookalike Frankie Morbidelli and Toblerone Luthi. Thank god. These four made this race the best Moto2 race of the season. Three underachievers this season: Kent and Olivera have been done in by a woeful team. No excuses for Alex Marquez though. It’s not been fun for him or even fun for his fans either. And its goodbye to Julian Simon – he had a great start and for most of the race he looked full-on good for a top 6 finish. But fate deals cruel hands to all at sometime, and he crashed but rolled in 23rd.

But on and on went the entertainment. In fact we’re sending Carmelo an invoice; Moto2 should be this good every race, and it hasn’t been, so we’d like a refund for all the dull crap we had to endure to get this! Well until the last 6 laps and then normal service resumed and we nearly slipped off for a snooze. As for Sam Lowes, he was quiet all race, but did sneak up on Rins and nick 4th from him by actually riding consistently fast.

Now MotoGP, and for Lorenzo the whole weekend was one to smile about. In qualifying he was so smooth, so fast, it was soul-destroying for the rest. And come the race, he basically went off like a stabbed rat, and wasn’t touched. Iannone did his best and to be fair the old pensioner Rossi made a great effort. Marquez and Viñales made up the top 5. On his first full rolling lap, Lorenzo broke the lap record. That is pretty good by anyone’s standards. Obviously aliens kidnapped Lorenzo early on in season and replaced him with a lesser able clone. Now they’ve finished probing him, and found that egos can be as big as the universe, they’ve had enough of him and released him back into the wild.

Unlike last year, the pressure was off and they all rode for fun it seemed, and halleluiah is what we say. It did look like once Marquez got past Rossi and Iannone he might actually catch Lorenzo as Lorenzo’s tyres went quickly past their Best Before date. Got to love a fast ant, but it was good to see old Chuppa Chups happy in parc ferme.

Thank you for reading this utter twaddle all season. Without you we wouldn’t have the egos 1% size of Jorge’s, but hey.

We’ll do a season review sometime in time for Christmas.

Thank you Gareth. (Oh okay, you’re not fired after all, Ed.)

RIP Luis: your smile is still remembered.