NOT the MotoGP News: Singing and dancing in the rain…

 In MotoGP, News, NOT The MotoGP News

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Welcome to NOT The MotoGP News – our blog by Guy Anderson. Oh – and when you’re done, make sure to go follow Guy on Twitter – @SirGuyGuisborne

For ages we thought that Lucio Cecchinello had signed Cal Crutchlow because Lucio had assumed Cal was short for Calzone.

And that just shows that The Great British Bake Off knows more about MotoGP machinations than we do.

But Brno eh? Wow! For lots of Brits, Brno was some big thing! Not only are the Brits better than everyone except the Americans at running, shooting, swimming, cycling, gym-ing, and rowing, Scotland and England won races.

Yes. I know this seems like a fairy tale some Brits did really well in the land of Czech.

Unlike the French company Michelin, who didn’t do so well. More of that later.

We’ve kicked this highly un-amusing joke to death already, but yes Brad Binned-Her. The Moto3 race was, as ever, the best thing to watch since the last Moto3 race. Before the race it was very much a case of “fini Fenati” as he very much isn’t going to appear on a Moto3 bike near you again this season. Not only has he lost his ride, it seems he was living in an apartment owned by Rossi, so now he’s lost his house too. Whoops and even bugger.

On his birth certificate John McPhee’s first name is Wee. McPhee being from Scotland only sees sun when he’s at a race circuit. In Scotland a lot of his compatriots have webbed feet and red hair as well as pale, translucent skin. Sun is very confusing for some Scots. But not rain. And whisky is an Anglicisation of a Gaelic word meaning water. So Wee McPhee started 11th in the Moto3 race, but as it was “hoo’ing” it down, he appears to have been quite happy. Unlike the rest of the field. In fact it was so wet Wowee Pawi fell. In total nine riders slithered off. Blimey it was wet. Wetter than a porn star’s thingy (you can do the otter’s pocket one yourselves). And yes, just as we thought Brad was riding a perfect race, leading, and calmly making a good gap at the front, he binned her. Sometimes its not good to be accurate with a nickname – this was one of those days. Sorry.

This left Wee McPhee standing tall, riding like a good’un, and apart from one seriously painful knacker-whang when he too attempted a highside, an untroubled victory. And as you are all aware watching the Olympics, Brits aren’t doing winning in isolation at the moment…

All that excitement even if you are a neutral fan, and then like a ginger step-child at an orgy, up pops Moto2 to dampen your ardour. Every time we get to write about Moto2 the proverbial dog gets a kick, and the proverbial cat gets shot. We’ve used over 200 proverbial cats since the start of the season!

Rain does have its advantages. Hard to think of them sometimes, but at Brno the rain meant a bit of change at the top. Folger the likeable bloke who’s picked up a ride on the Tech-3 next year, looked great having started from eighth. Even for a German. The painter from Tilbury Docks, Alex Rins, seemed to wake up and string together some good enough laps to take second a country mile behind Folger. Munchkin Sam Lowes rounded off the podium picking up much need points. Sorry, this is purgatory. Right – here we go. Mattia Pasini. He started 17th and finished fourth. Yep – the old bloke who is one of the best 125 World Champions who never was a WC, reminded some of us of why we love him. Remember him on that Polaris World 125 Aprilia? We reckon he still sticks needles in a doll of that bike. Anyway, he rode brilliantly; we all got misty eyed at him, and he finished fourth. Bloody ace!

And still it rained, and still just about everybody looked to Iannone as to what tyre to fit. Michelin tyres are without doubt good. Unless you ask them to fit a soft wet front tyre. That then can’t handle a drying track. Unless you’ve seen that picture of Iannone’s front, its hard to underestimate what a pile of rubbish it was. We’ve seen less pieces missing from a second hand jigsaw puzzle.

Calzone Crutchlow decided to stop falling off, go one better than his mate Mark Cavendish and go for gold!

Lorenzo and Rossi headed for the back of the grid, then found that things weren’t so bad. Well Rossi did. Lorenzo pitted, changed bikes, went around for a lap or two and came back in for his original bike. At first we all thought he’d lost his noggin seeing all those adverts for his old helmet manufacturer. Nope; it was his front tyre. Lorenzo wasn’t alone. Iannone and a raft of other riders suffered from Michelin’s jelly tyre.

Amongst this field of mayhem, Calzone Crutchlow looked like he had his teeth gritted and sphincter zipped up. He basically ripped past the field ahead and sodded off winning by 7 seconds. Rossi and Marquez followed, then came Loris Baz! If he’d had time to think about it, he’d probably had a nose-bleed finishing that high up. Lorenzo was lapped whilst in and out and back in of the pits. That’s not nice even for him.

Barbera, Laverty and Petrucci all finished ahead of Iannone, who had set off with Dovi at the start like stabbed rats. Amazingly only Dovi, Smith and Aleix Aspargus fell off.

So basically the MotoGP race was a mad, crazy race with a Brit winning by over 7 seconds. 2051 is 35 years ahead of now…. Please don’t make us wait that long for another Grand Prix win!

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